The vile cunt is whispering again
things I don’t want to hear
making my heart hurt
playing on my fears.
She knows that I’m alone again
tough decisions to be made.
Reminding me that fate cares little
for my wants or needs.
She keeps the salve of sleep
just out of reach
The weather plays into her games
dreary, dark & bleak.
I know she is a lying bitch
things will be alright
Except that she is often right
and loudest just before my downfall.
The waiting place
I’ve noticed that you are not as content as you were
Dark thoughts have returned again
The little things that have slipped
Gives me hope that you can love again
I know that I am not the one
Who stirs your heart
And calms your fears
I am the waiting place
The safe haven you needed
Giving you time to heal
The hardest part is living in the moment
Knowing you are soon to be gone
Reminding myself that I was never meant to be more
Than your waiting place
Waiting to heal
To be free
Moving on with your life
He must have thought I was sleeping
Curled against his chest
He had been stroking my hair
When I heard him say
Half under his breath “You complete me.”
I won’t tell him that I heard him
As I was drifting off to sleep
Unless the smiles I can’t hide
Give me away
Lately I’ve been feeling
Restless & uncertain
Adrift in the world once again
The shimmer of tears that never come
Never fall - making it hard to breathe, to see
Am I just exhausted after a year of living dangerously,
of giving in to those hedonistic urges?
Or is the fear that having walked away from safety & security
that I will never have them again?
I cannot change the past
Today is murky & dark
With brief flashes of bright sunlight
The future is so uncertain
that contemplation of the what-if’s
and could-be’s cause more pain than anticipation.
I know that this feeling is not permanent
That once again things will be clear
and the grey clouds will recede
Until then the questions & uncertainty
Leave me twisting, uncertain of the
road I should travel.